Guillermo del Toro and how many films I have seen...

Because I have received the invitation for the press screening of Don't Be Afraid of Dark today, I have decided to write as much about Guillermo del Toro as I can without actually looking for trivia about him, and surprisingly the only thing I can think of is that most of the films I've seen thinking they were directed by Guillermo del Toro WERE NOT directed by Guillermo del Toro. It's because of this horrible line saying 'by the creator of' everywhere on the posters and trailers that I have been mislead for so long. Thus, I have checked IMDB to see how many films DIRECTED by Guillermo del Toro I have actually seen (and if I liked them).
(bear with me, I am only know learning how to use iphoto):

(and no, I haven't seen Devil's Backbone)
So overall I have seen two films and these are Hellboy 2 and Pan's Labyrinth and I liked Pan's Labyrinth more than Hellboy 2.
So why is he so famous again?

Because he is a great writer.
So next time someone you know chooses Guillermo del Toro as their favourite director, tell them they don't know shit.

P.S. He didn't direct Don't Be Afraid of Dark either! That bastard!

Is it just me?

Or all Scream murderers are pretty disappointing?

One Day (someone might make a better film out of this book)

I haven't read the book, so I am probably the closest to the perfect audience for this film as you can get. My mind hasn't been influenced by beautifully written material and I have no requirements when it comes to cast, locations and anything really.

And it still sucks.

I have no idea where to start, to be honest. One Day is just a horrible film. There is nothing about it that was persuasive, identifiable or heartbreaking to me. I have read different reviews (after I have seen the film, so my mind stayed uninfluenced during the screening), and some people cried. I didn't even cry.

It is very poorly written and because it has been written by the author of the book, and even though people have been calling it a book of the decade, I am not sure if I want to read it now after what I have seen. The characters are irritating assholes, the story is monotonous and badly paced and everyone just seems to be trying much too hard. I hate how years have been distinguished by so called important events. In 1993 everyone was watching Jurassic Park and in 2000 everyone was listening to S Club 7. It's like badly written '80s film. Nobody will see these references in ten years, guys, so you have just made your film appealing to very limited audience.

Why isn't Emma played by an English actress? Is it really too hard to find anyone? Or is it because otherwise the American audience will ignore the film, if their people aren't involved? Also, Anne Hathaway is a pretty horrible choice, I think. She has become really lazy recently and focused on repeatedly playing the same role over and over and over again. And here, we see her as exactly the same protagonist as usual, just more irritating and less naked.

Beautifully romantic story (I guess, it was supposed to be) has simply turned out to be a story of people wanting to sleep together. And they do. But they never show us! It's not that I am some sort of a pervy member of audience who just wants to see Anne Hathaway naked (I've had enough, I've seen Love and Other Drugs so I know her body better than my own), but if it's so crucial that they sleep together, let us enjoy this moment with them.

But enough about the plot. Technically the film was even worse. I sincerely can't believe the director of An Education could have done something so bad. The direction is simply dreadful. It's just like they were too lazy to change the camera lense and every fucking shot is filmed in medium angle. You have Paris, London, charming cafes and hills, and everything is medium shot. It's just ridiculously how much potential has been lost in this film.

Jim Sturgees is ok, I think but he still too much of an asshole to me to like him. Soundtrack is just begging us to cry and dialogues are dreading with fakeness. Every single supposedly funny like delivered by Anne Hathaway dies immediately; she seems to have an amazing talent to make all jokes lame. So overall, did I like it?

I fucking hated it.

And it will take more than a week for me to even look at the book.

Woah...

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/771206468/
And I'm waking up at 7am for this?

FILMS I WATCH LATE: Going the Distance

I get some guilty pleasure from watching romantic comedies, but it hurts when I see the one which would actually be a good film, if it wasn't a romantic comedy. This is the case of Going the Distance to me. Now imagine it has been done as a comedy drama instead, maybe directed by some indie director like Jason Reitman. It is charming, well-written, well acted and witty but filled with unnecessary jokes about bums and baby pigeons.

Drew Barrymore fells in love with Justin Long whom she meets in a pub. Their relationship can only last six weeks because she's going back to her hometown. However, they are so perfect together that they decide to keep in touch by making their relationship long distance. And it only lasts for a year but it's still too long for them to survive it without doubts, worries and little fights.

I like their relationship. It's honest, straightforward, it has problems normal people struggle with and it works. There is a nice chemistry between Drew Barrymore and Justin Long and even though for the first half of the film, I had the feeling that it's badly casted, I got used to them in the second half and I liked both of them as characters. They were easily identifiable and likeable.

Interestingly also, the love struggles they are going though are not only presented from female point of view, which is so typical for romantic comedies. Actually, Drew Barrymore is sometimes more masculine than Justin Long and she makes logical decisions and even though romantic at heart, she does not leave her career behind for a man, like women usually do in romantic comedies. She is a strong, independent woman and he is a strong, independent man and that's why it works.

But because Going the Distance is trying to hard to satisfy Jennifer Aniston's audience, it fails to satisfy me completely (even at 2 am in the morning). Thus it only gets 6/10 today.

30 Minutes or Less

30 minutes or Less isn't disappointing. It might be because so many people have hated it already so going through Rotten Tomatoes and websites alikes, I have only encountered really bad reviews (which obviously influenced my attitude towards this screening). I liked it. It wasn't Zombieland of course, but the editing was almost as fun. It wasn't Zombieland either when it comes to acting, but Jesse Eisenberg was good as always and even this guy

was funny.
And this guy was the main fear of every single member of the audience.

So although not quite like Zombieland, 30 Minutes or Less has its LOLs and OMGs. It is definitely much better than most action comedies that I've seen (and yes, it's like a horror mixture of my least favourite genres, so who am I to judge). And there was free pizza on the screening. Fuck yeah.

No blog I'm following has posted a review of 30 Minutes or Less and it keeps me thinking why. There is this weird conspiracy theory that makes me think that people (especially critics) are a little embarrassed to like it. Especially when everyone seems to hate it. Well, I'm not a saint, so I can risk my lack of reputation in the world of British critics and say that 30 Minutes or Less was the film I enjoyed the most this week. And I've seen three, so give it a go.

and I will keep posting the images on this blog on its left side

Turnout turned out not so bad

Sophie and George come from too different environments. She is a middle class girl who goes to work in the City every day, has sushi for a lunch and shops at Mark Jacobs. George lives in a council building with his mum, drinks with his mates while Sophie is at work, and deals drugs. Weed mainly.
Sophie wants to go for a holiday to Barbados, and so they have been saving some money to go. George stops being enthusiastic as soon as the letter informing them to pay the rest of the sum with a deadline appears. George doesn't have a job. And the weed he sells doesn't bring enough money.
Gerge decides to take the money Sophie has been saving and invest it into some new type of cocaine (cheaper mix with novocaine) and earn more money on that. Of course the plan is stupid, and George is being fucked by each one of his friends repeatedly and remains with nothing.

Is this a film about the relationship between Sophie and George? How from happily in love they turn into untrusting and paranoid couple? Or is it a story how drugs destroy love and how you can't keep too if you really care about one? Is it a story of how living in a big city doesn't guarantee successful life? How you can be on the top but be digging your own grave every night? How there's no such thing as real friends when you are dealing with illegal? What is this film about?

It could be about anything. Plot wise this film is just confusing. It could have been a tragic love story and as we know, it worked before in the US (Requiem for a Dream), it could have worked here if the chance was given. Throughout the whole film I have been thinking that it would have been so much more interesting if the story was told from Sophie's point of view. even though he is less involved with all the exciting drug action, her character is much more identifiable for me and so much more interesting than George. Because her story is just a story of her relationship, it's much more subtle and easy to relate to. And the way this story is shot is simply beautiful.

Interestingly, Lee Sales both directed and co-wrote this film. I have to say that based on Turnout, he should focus on directing only. As the director, he makes amazing choices of shots, his wide shots are simply beautiful and Sophie's '60s type filming is very classy. when he directs George's life, the camera is handy, shaky and claustrophobic. Every shot is so well thought and the film is because of it engaging and fascinating to look at.

Script on the other hand is just confusing. There is too much focus on minor characters, the story seems too general and there's not enough time for characters to develop. It surely will bring Hoxton indie audience to cinemas, but when Sophie and George look both like in their mid thirties, I'm not sure if many hipster twenty year olds will actually be persuaded by it.

Turnout wasn't bad, but wasn't balanced enough to be seen as good. The direction is definitely worth seeing and in future maybe it's good to keep your eye on Lee Sales. But please, don't make more audience-driven films. Just do it for yourself.

Turnout vs 30 Minutes or Less

Because I attend both of the screenings this week (Turnout tomorrow and 30 Minutes or Less), I will be writing two reviews (even though I'm the laziest person in the entire world) this week. There is just one problem with these films:
Turnout is a hipster English production that doesn't even have a trailer online (or I can't find it, if anyone can send me a link, I would be more than grateful), and
30 Minutes or Less has bad reviews. Even though it has geeky Jesse Eisenberg who basically doesn't fuck up ever, it's apparently not a good movie. And not a funny one either. Because it's under the action-comedy genre, I am just worried that it might turn like this:

Because t has a white guy and an Indian guy even, so god save us.

This
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/30_minutes_or_less/
doesn't look promising either. It is apparently worse than Cowboys vs Aliens (which the critics raped so brutally but I still want to see it and it still sounds awesome to me).
I like the fact that Sony asks to give them my twitter name in order for me to tweet my thoughts on the film. My boyfriend was surprised by this demand saying that if the movie is crap, how are the bad reviews going to promote it. But I guess it's too late anyway. So Sony is actually bravely telling us to go and spread bad word because they can take it. They are fucking sony. And they have Jesse Eisenberg. What do you have!

So, if you want to follow me on twitter, my twitter name is queerdelys. My specialisation is retweeting cooler tweets and linking my blog. And now also reviewing 30 Minutes or Less on Thursday.

And I still can't say a word about Turnout. What a mystery.

What is it even about?

Scala Forever Opening

So it is today. And it seems like I've waited forever for this day to come. the day when trash cinema meets cult cinema, the day where tickets are cheap and all nighters tempting even if you have to wake up at 7 the next day. And it starts with a bang, with King Kong, the one without Jack Black in it.
The one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0WpKl2A_2k
when youtube was still black and white.

I'm still learning the program by heart in order to remember where to go and what to see but from what it seems like, I ain't goin nowhere for some time now. My holidays remain in London and in London I want to be when this happens:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvS3ZXZRSsk
I almost came watching this trailer.
I still don't understand (quite) the idea of Floating Cinema, if the boat is only capable to take six people maybe, then what;s the fun? I know it's free but if noone is going to get to this boat, then free isn't that tempting. It's just some people watching a film on their boat. Cool.

And there's also Turkish trash film called Death Warrior. And it's being played on my birthday. It's like Scala knew I would have to spend my birthday at their festival so they gave me the offer I could not refuse.

Well, now it's only three hours away. Let it begin

Scala Forever Opening

So it is today. And it seems like I've waited forever for this day to come. the day when trash cinema meets cult cinema, the day where tickets are cheap and all nighters tempting even if you have to wake up at 7 the next day. And it starts with a bang, with King Kong, the one without Jack Black in it.
The one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0WpKl2A_2k
when youtube was still black and white.

I'm still learning the program by heart in order to remember where to go and what to see but from what it seems like, I ain't goin nowhere for some time now. My holidays remain in London and in London I want to be when this happens:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvS3ZXZRSsk
I almost came watching this trailer.
I still don't understand (quite) the idea of Floating Cinema, if the boat is only capable to take six people maybe, then what;s the fun? I know it's free but if noone is going to get to this boat, then free isn't that tempting. It's just some people watching a film on their boat. Cool.
And there's also Turkish trash film called Death Warrior. And it's being played on my birthday. It's like Scala knew I would have to spend my birthday at their festival so they gave me the offer I could not refuse.
Well, now it's only three hours away. Let it begin

The Legend of 7 Golden Vampires

Although it doesn't fully presents how i feel about this film, here is the link to Cinemassacre's review of The Legend of 7 Golden Vampires:
http://cinemassacre.com/2010/10/12/legend-of-the-7-golden-vampires/
Besides the link?
well, this film is pretty paradoxical because by having nothing at all (no plot, no special effects, no characters development, no potential), it manages to have it all (blood, jolie English gentlemen and Chinese Dracula).

count himself

Although it has moaning virgin, boiling blood and a Swedish princess, it hasn't won the heart in my top best worst movies. It is too forgettable and too pointless. There has to be more drama than just fighting random guys in order to fulfil my rotten b-class taste. It must be something worse, like lamer dialogues or mission to save the world.
I'm not saying it's not worth checking out. I did it sober and maybe that's why it didn't leave a clear scar on my mind.

and maybe if these guys was a little jolier too

Did you know...

"Smurfette (Katy Perry) says "I kissed a smurf and I liked it", a reference to Perry's first hit single, "I Kissed a Girl"."
Thank you IMDB. One more news about this rape of my childhood film and I'm going to hang myself.

Beautiful Lies

First of all, and I have no idea how many times should I repeat it, so everyone gets it- Beautiful Lies is nothing like Amelie. The only thing that is common for both of these films is Audrey Toutou, nothing else. So if you loved Amelie and it is one of your favourite films (like mine), then ignore Beautiful Lies. Think more Priceless or Heartbreaker than Amelie when you go to see it. I hope I made it clear. Any mentions of Amelie will make this film even more disappointed than it is already.
French romantic comedies are like a separate genre in the genre of romantic comedies. Not only do they have European freshness and characters that we can actually identify with, but also they are usually very quirky. So quirky they are, that sometimes they reach the edge of being disturbing and uncomfortable to watch when we actually think about what we are watching. This is the case of Beautiful Lies to me. So first, the synopsis as presented by Trinity, because I am too lazy to come up with my own (and because it is a film about copying):

30-year old Emilie runs a hairdressing salon, and provides an endless stream of well-meaning advice to her clients and friends...(I have only noticed that she cuts of the fringe for a customer who obviously doesn't want it to be cut)
Sadly the one person she can't seem to help is Maddy, her mother, who has given up the will to live since being left by her husband.
Jean, a young man who works for Emilie is secretly in love with her but a pathological shyness prevents him from declaring his feelings (it doesn't prevent him to sleep with both Emilie and her mother). Finally (five minutes in, unable to contain himself, he opens his heart in a passionate anonymous letter. (which content we learn by heart almost, so many times they repeat it in this film).
Entirely untouched by this confession and terrified to see her mother slipping deeper and deeper into despair, Emilie concocts a crazy plan: she'll change the name at the top of the letter and send it to Maddy.
Deeply touched by this beautiful declaration of love, Maddy rediscovers the will to live and begins to watch for the mail (I wouldn't really call it a will to live if your whole life revolves around a post box). While she's over the moon to see her mother returning to life, Emilie is fully aware of the problems that lie ahead. Not only must she supply Maddy with more love letters, she must also find someone willing to play the author...


dot dot dot, and it's Jean of course. Why has it be Jean we never find out, but obviously this leads to uncomfortable situations. And I really was all prepared to laugh cheerfully, but when I discovered that the theory of love letters is taken into a practice, I suddenly started feeling uncomfortable. Lying in this film seems to be more than acceptable. Even though Jean teaches Emilie a lesson, he agrees for her to lie at the end of the movie. And why is she so grateful when her mother's revenge is so over the top cruel? What is wrong with these French passionate people who just search for more complex way for their intrigues? It is like some sort of an obsession because otherwise life won't be interesting enough. And it's with every romantic comedy- words unspoken, spies, cryptic letters and symbolic allusions. Nobody can actually live like that and in French romantic comedies, nobody lives differently.
It freaks me out.

instead of following another guy, this woman should seek psychological help.

and here, the one on the left, she really suffers from some serious depression, but nobody ever cares. What the fuck is wrong with you people?
Instead of romantic comedy, we get some pretty serious types of problems hidden in a little love intrigue which isn't half as interesting as Emilie's drinking problems. I would watch a film about that.
So Beautiful Lies for me is just 5/10. But I can imagine that most people will find it brainless and pleasurable to watch. To me it's just disturbing

Raindance Festival

Filmaster (the website my main blog is located on- queerdelys.filmaster.com is an official sponsor of Raindance Film Festival so now more than ever I feel like promoting it.
http://www.raindance.co.uk/site/
It's a nice mixture of overpriced technical courses for aspiring filmmakers and some underground films people forgot they wanted to see. Not only are they ultra hipster, but also they somehow have managed to combined it with mainstream still remaining hipster, thus you can get such gems as the visits from Christopher Nolan or Ken Loach (not anymore though, they are too mainstream now for the festival).
Films still haven't been announced for this year, so we can still bet what they choose to show. I bet it's some Korean short films and British lesbian romance in the style of '80s films.
So, anyone's attending?

Scala Forever

I don't know how much time I spend now just admiring the programe of the festival, especially because I didn't apply on time to get a press pass for Fright Fest so I need consolation, and what can I say- Scala offers a better consolation than the biggest spoon of nutella.

and just imagine eating this nutella while watching all the films they offer.
My top favourite is of course all the horrors, but also Russ Meyer (yes, I love big tits and that's why) and John Waters (if it did have Pink Flamingos, I would pee my pants, promise). Also, they have Bunuel, whom I adore and will see just to see anything by him on a bigger screen than my telly and Herzog. I can go like this foreever actually, because everything they have is simply sublime.
This is the website you can masturbate to
http://scalaforever.co.uk/

Who's going?